My Books - an Abridged Introduction

Set out below are the books that I am sometimes proud to call my very own. The first four are those which have seen hard-copy publication, the last few are some minor amusements which have been published digitally or self-published in hard-copy. Squeezed in there also, an advert for my sprawling mass of short-stories, for an evening's entertainment.
"No Blanket - a Great Oversight in a Siberian Winter" Cover of Novgorod the Great - click to read about it

Novgorod the Great

The paths of two lonely travellers cross in the ancient and run-down Russian city of Novgorod the Great. It is 1833, and the last huzzahs of the Napoleonic Wars still echo back and forth across Europe, South America and Russia. When the two travellers are invited to keep an old man company on his short approach to death's door, they pass a night of reminiscence - their own, the old man's, his nurse's and those of a supporting cast (whose members are not always alive). Here, you can read of lusty troubadours, South American elephants, squirrels, rhubarb and, not least, pickled eggs. Read more ...

I was interviewed by the Dundee Courier at the time of publication (May 2008) of this short novel. The full-page spread was printed under the banner headline The Elephant Man... Elephantina: a tale of elephants and posterity...

Elephantina

Just outside Dundee, in April 1706, an elephant sighs forlornly, topples over, and drowns in a ditch by the side of the road from Broughty Ferry. Foiling almost all the energetic attempts of the citizenry to make off with large chunks of meat and other elephantine trophies, local surgeon, botanist and anatomist Dr Patrick Blair embarks on a mission to be the first in Britain to dissect an elephant and to complete a pioneering scientific study of the dead animal's internal organs and skeleton. Read more ...

I am delighted to learn from a respected linguist in the Netherlands that an article has been created about me in the Volapük version of Wikipedia: click here to read it... Cover of A Handbook of Volapük - click to read about it

A Handbook of Volapük

In April 1891, two matters greatly excite the inhabitants of Edinburgh: the decennial Population Census; and the Annual General Meeting of the Edinburgh Society for the Propagation of a Universal Language. The General Secretary of this Society, Mr. Justice, is a militant champion of the highly-popular language "Volapük"; but he is locked in a battle for ascendancy with Dr. Bosman, shameless apologist for "Esperanto". Read more ...


This novel was short-listed for the 2004 Saltire Prize for the First Book of the Year.
Cover of An Abridged History - click to read about it

An Abridged History

This tells, for the first and last time, the story of the construction of a railway-line between Garve and Ullapool in the north of Scotland. The hero, Alexander Auchmuty Seth Kininmonth, has dreams of finding personal happiness, fame and fortune on this project. Alas, he finds that the combined forces of a Scottish climate, ignoble finance-capital and an assortment of feuding millennarians conspire against him. Read more ...

The original idea for my story about Big Horace and his tie collection came from a stray email from Belgium; now, however, the most excellent Museum of Corporate Neckties (late of California, now expanding into Arizona) has adopted Big Horace: their site rewards a visit... We hope for further sponsorship in these straitened times! Scribbling stories: unpublished gems and otherwise from the home of oddities...

Stories

Take a few minutes to read some of my unpublished stories. They have been accumulating for several decades. Some are well past their use-by date, others should never have had a use-by date in the first place. But - what do I care? - I'm paying for this web-site, not you, so why shouldn't I?
Read more
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There is, of course, no relationship between the title of this book about newly-built golf-courses, and some temporary American President who likes to build golf-courses. Is that clear? The Last Trump sounds for a keen golfer.

The Last Trump

On a golf-course arguably close to St Andrews in Scotland, strange events occur. Not just beavers chopping down trees, either. Arms and legs of corpses appear from under the ground, some holding golf-clubs, but many simply trespassing. This is highly disturbing, not least because there is an International Golf-Tournament due in a few days. But it will get far, far worse...
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It will be argued that these Turkeys cannot spell, and therefore should have no voice. Not so! Anyone can read what they have written. How difficult can it be? The Revolyushun of the Turckyz

A Littel Read Book

"turckyz is for lif not for krismis!"
In a fit of pre-Christmas panic, the turkeys have taken over the farm. It all went very well, and so the Fowl Revolution spreads to neighbouring farms and other members of the Fowl Race. Soon the whole land is up in arms.
Long liv the Revolyushun!

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The story took as its premise a close tie in the Scottish referendum of September 2014. As it turned out, it was indeed close - but not as close as that. Better luck next time, I suppose. Brigadoon, Brigadoon...

Brigadoon Revisited

All is not well in Brigadoon. Barely sixty years (or maybe a week) after that happy day when two Americans stumbled upon it, young lovers have drifted slowly apart.
But the troubles of the villagers of Brigadoon have only just begun. Their village has popped up again, bang in the path of a new motorway being built around Aberdeen. And they have arrived in the 21st century just as the votes in the Scottish Independence referendum are being recounted for the third time. A political stalemate threatens the United Kingdom, until it is realised that the villagers also have votes....
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Much has been written of the unfortunate wife of Lord Grange, imprisoned on St Kilda through no fault of her own. Here is her tale, told from a slightly different perspective. The Lady Grange...

The Books of the Incarceration of the Lady Grange

In the year 1739, the Cherub of Desire wrecks her glorious ship upon the remote island of St Kilda. She wades ashore in an understandable fury. Her mood is not improved when she stumbles across a wild-haired woman who insists on engaging in endless conversation. This is the Lady Grange, the unfortunate but loving wife of one of Scotland's political elite, kidnapped from Edinburgh by her husband's allies and deposited neatly out of sight upon the island. In a fit of unaccustomed charity, she agrees to carry to Edinburgh some letters in which Lady Grange begs her friends to rescue her.
Her journey to the capital does not go well.
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